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Ding thong grandma's panties are dead

It’s what’s under that counts!

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It’s official. It’s winter, which means five months of trying to make your fave hooded sweatshirt look fashionable. But who’s to say you can’t wear something irresistibly saucy underneath? I mean, what do the panties you’re wearing right now say about you? Emotionally unavailable? Unable to separate whites from colors? My mama warned me to always wear clean underwear in case I was in a car accident, but she left out the part that they should also be super cute. If an accident were to happen, do I want to be remembered around T-Town as the chick who wore grandma panties? Those EMT guys can be real gossip queens ya know.

Unfortunately, the northend Tacoma shops have a miniscule selection, so I was forced to head to the Tacoma Mall in search of some racy yet comfy knickers. Naturally, my first stop was Victoria’s Secret. They always carry some of the cutest skivvies, but a tad pricey. Luckily, I found some adorable underthings on clearance. These “Pout” thongs — Ruched, Side-tie and Embroidered — were too delicious to pass up. Made of bright hued, comfortable cotton, the satin ties at the hip add a flirty sexiness that most cotton panties lack. And for only $3.99, marked down from $12, it was a steal.

For the same price, I scored some Foldover-waist hiphugger boyshorts that are perfect for upcoming V-Day. The red bottoms have white and pink hearts in various shades, with bows and stretch lace trim. They’re made of microfiber, which blends beautifully into the skin. Panty lines are a huge no-no. This pair is so sexy but still great for those who like to feel a little more covered. It’s like bedlam met bland, and they totally hit it off.

Next I went to Nordstrom, where I spotted these leopard and lace Brazilian-cut Tanga panties made by Honeydew Intimates ($12). For those who don’t know, allow me to school you on the Tanga. It’s like a hybrid of a low-cut boyshort and the thong. They’re made of super stretchy mesh, so it feels like you’re going commando. These are perfect if you’re looking to spice things up with the other half. Because along with love, trust and synchronized vacation days, every relationship needs some hot lingerie. These bad boys make the booty look scrumptious, so be prepared. After putting them on, I instantly felt sexier. When I wore them the next day, I felt like I was walking to the faint beat of the infamous porn tune. Bow chicka bow wow…

Whether you opt for the thong, the boyshort or the Tanga, these racy undies will only add to your exceptional prowess in the bedroom. So remember, no panty lines, always hand wash, it’ll add 3x the life to your undergarments, and some unmentionables are worth mentioning.

[Victoria’s Secret at Tacoma Mall, 4502 S. Steele, Tacoma, 253.475.6006; Capital Mall, 324 Capital Mall, Olympia, 360.786.6637; The Commons, 1909 S. Commons, Federal Way, 253.941.4230]

[Nordstrom at Tacoma Mall, 4502 S. Steele, Tacoma, 253.475.3630]

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