We at the Weekly Volcano really do care.



Last week, the astute Matt Driscoll was rapping about some safe driving tips for New Year’s Eve.



I’m going to take that a step further.



In my column, you’ll find so much of what you need to survive your entire New Year’s Eve night, completely unscathed, and hopefully the following tips and tricks will lead to a little sexy time by the end of the night. Prrrrrrr!



Here are some words of advice for the girls:



Choose your outfit carefully. Select the clothing that delicately shows off your lovely curves, but don’t give away the farm. Try to pick something that you won’t mind getting a little accidental alcohol on. When it comes to shoe choices, I can’t emphasize enough the value in wearing comfortable shoes. If all goes well, those boys or girls won’t be looking at your feet.

In terms of makeup, sparkle up the eyes, and wear lip gloss, but not too much. That way there won’t be any evidence left behind on your midnight smoocher(s).



Now, for the dudes:



Step it up if your typical going-out attire consists of a hoodie and worn-out jeans. A stripy shirt, or any kind of dress shirt for that matter, and freshly-pressed pants will take you places. Toss some product in your hair, and use your favorite cologne on your freshly-clean skin, but don’t go too far on either. New Year’s Eve is the time to bring out your very best charm and charisma. Confidence, not overconfidence, will increase your hook-up potential. Don’t cock block your friends, that’s bad karma. Smile genuinely and sweetly, and you’ll be more than likely to end up with a girl or guy who wants to do the same.



Here’s some unsolicited advice for both genders.



The alcohol companies really aren’t kidding when they tell you to drink responsibly, and neither am I. Please focus on maintaining a healthy buzz rather than overdoing it. Bad people of the world thrive on nights like New Year’s Eve, and we can’t let them win!



Whatever you eat for dinner on New Year’s Eve, make sure it doesn’t contain garlic. Your midnight make-out will thank you for that later.



If you’re like me and you’re heading to First Night, sneak into all of the bars and restaurants in and around the Theater District for strategic shots in between performances from awesome bands like the light-hearted Handful of Luvin and reggae-master Alex Duncan.



Take a break in your boozing and drink some freakin’ water! A move like this will reduce your chances of watching football on New Year’s Day with a mammoth headache.



I’ll end today’s article with the strongest advice of all:

Make this New Year’s Eve the best one of your life.