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Carmen loves crappy television

She also loves Top of Tacoma Bar

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Now that summer has come to a screeching halt, the one place you can find me most nights of the week is on my black leather couch, duly dubbed “Little Italy,” watching TV.

People, including my editor, Pappi Swarner, consistently make fun of the channels that I choose, but to know what I watch on TV is to love me.

In order to understand the shows that I adore, you must first gain a little knowledge of my daytime life.

When I’m not typing these fun words for your consumption, I spend five days a week in an uptight suit where I have to be 100 percent on in a cutthroat environment for up to 50 hours a week.

I’m required to be professional, charismatic, Suzy on the spot, and up-to-date on everything under the sun. The bottom line is that I have to be so smart and educated all of the time.

By the time I get home, the last thing on the earth that I want to do is feed my mind with any kind of valuable information. In other words, you’ll never find me watching the History Channel, The Learning Channel or Headline News.

By the time I get home from a demanding day, the only thing that I want to watch is crap TV.

I have absolutely no shame in telling you that my favorite TV shows are some of the worst for your system.

Right now, my favorite is MTV’s “The Hills.” I love watching Lauren’s fancy Los Angeles escapades (I can’t believe she got to meet Marc Jacobs and she and Brody are so great together!), while absolutely hating on Chuckie Doll Spencer and Good-For-Nothing Heidi.

Another show that people have picked on me for watching was Bret Michael’s “Rock of Love.” I don’t care what you think, I’m still stoked that Jess won.

How can anyone hate on “Run’s House”? That’s such a healthy family full of love, and I hang on to his final words just like I used to do with Jerry Springer and Doogie Howser.

The latest show that I watch from start to finish is “Gotti’s Way,” but I agree with his wife: He shouldn’t be so hard on his sons, telling them to “man up” all of the time.

I’ll even come completely clean. I’ve tried not to do it, but I just can’t help but watch “I Love New York 2” and “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.” New York is f***ing gross, Tila is adorable, and both shows are filled with such crazy, scandalous people.

I know my brain is rotting on all of this stuff, but ultimately these shows remind me that my life is actually pretty darn good.

So don’t you dare change that channel!

Tune into the Top of Tacoma

I made no time for TV on Friday and Saturday evenings because I was at one place, and one place only: The Top of Tacoma Bar!

There were hundreds upon hundreds of people at the 34th and McKinley bar Friday night. Natasha introduced me to so many that my head was spinning.

Everyone there had a great time as we celebrated Jaime and Jason’s new venture, the first person who broke a glass in the establishment, and the fact that Jaime was using a wireless microphone to make announcements similar to the CB she used at Magoo’s.

Saturday was a little mellower but wonderful all the same. I got to hang out with the likes of Natasha, Tall Troy, Jesse (who I now love for giving me a F***ing Eagles T-shirt), Mr. Cat and Dave Cheney a.k.a. Chincy. A few of us decided to head over to the other neighborhood bar, Parky’s, to check it out, and what none of us could believe was that Chincy won $60 on a $1 pull tab. We went back to the Top of Tacoma and closed down the bar that night with Chincy and me yelling “Pack-WOOD” (that’s where Chincy is from) and East-SIDE (that’s where I’m from.).

Both nights, Natasha and I couldn’t wipe the smiles off our faces as we skipped back to our respective homes without a care in the world.

Yes, yes, the Eastside rules, and so does MTV, VH1 and the Top of Tacoma Bar.

I’m Carmen, your new chameleon.  Drop me your favorite parties at

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