Common Northwest wisdom says it’s not officially summer until after the Fourth of July. Other parts of the country may start chopping off their Levis in June, but around here, the sun doesn’t really start showing up until the seventh month — and it only sticks around into September. The Northwest gets two and a half months.

Bobble Tiki says bring it on. Bobble Tiki is as dark wooded as they come, and cherishes this time of year — when the huge fireball in the sky momentarily shines its warmth upon us. Bobble Tiki has a collection of Bermuda shorts that you wouldn’t believe. Bobble Tiki is always the first bobble doll at the party to take his shirt off. Come summertime, Bobble Tiki lives on a diet of alcohol soaked pieces of fruit and bloody burgers off the grill. Bobble Tiki doesn’t wear sun block. In fact, he’s been known to talk Mrs. Tiki into slathering him up with baby oil and standing in the back yard reflecting UV rays in the direction of Bobble Tiki’s lawn chair with a huge piece of tin foil.

For these two and a half months known as summer, Bobble Tiki is almost happy.
That’s saying a lot.

The winter months — the darkness, the cold, and the wet — make Bobble Tiki want to hole up in his “den,” watching reruns of “Friends,” and having pizza delivered to his door — as to avoid any unnecessary human contact. During the summer, however, the sun and warmth seems to have a Paxil-like affect on Bobble Tiki’s mood. For two and half months, Bobble Tiki is a wild man, soaking up sun and summertime entertainment like Lindsay Lohan powdering her nose.
Here are a few suggestions straight from Bobble Tiki’s personal summer calendar. If there’s one thing Bobble Tiki knows how to do, besides fake his way through a roadside sobriety test, it’s enjoy himself this time of year. Take note.

Music

Two Seattle festivals can be counted on (nearly) every year to deliver amazing lineups well worth the trip north — even with gas prices hovering around three dollars a gallon. Despite Bumbershoot’s relatively weak lineup last year (Going from Garbage, the guy from Phish, Iggy and the Stooges, and Elvis Costello in ’05 to Steve Miller in ’06), it, along with the Capitol Hill Block Party, are two must-see events of Bobble Tiki’s summer.

Bumbershoot seems to have its shit together this year, which after last year’s departure is definitely pleasing to see. Conveniently scheduled for Labor Day Weekend, Sept. 1-3, the Shins, Joss Stone, Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, Steve Earle, Wu Tang Clan, Panic at the Disco, Kings of Leon, Gym Class Heroes, Stars of Track and Field, and about a bazillion more bands will infest Seattle Center — playing their asses off and reveling in the greatness of Seattle’s famous festival with the funny name.

The Capitol Hill Block Party isn’t quite as famous, or peculiarly named, but for what it is, the talent gathered for this annual two-day festival always amazes Bobble Tiki. What it is, of course, is two days of drinking and rock ‘n’ roll in the streets of Seattle. Last year, for instance, Bobble Tiki saw the Murder City Devils reunite, Pretty Girls Make Graves, Visqueen, Big Business and Band of Horses. While this year’s lineup doesn’t have a huge kicker like the Murder City Devils, the party will feature Silver Sun Pickups, the Blue Scholars, Girl Talk, Viva Voce, Spoon, and the Cave Singers (just to name a few).
   

Fun

Bobble Tiki loves to get drunk. Everyone knows that. What few people know, however, is not only does Bobble Tiki like to tie one on, but he really likes to do it in a public park with his shirt off, surrounded by a bunch of guys far uglier than himself. To this end, punk rock baseball seems like a hard bet to beat when it comes to summertime Sundays in Tacoma. Originally turned on to the idea by blue haired Dave from Who Cares, after checking out www.myspace. com/punkrockbaseballtacoma, Punk Rock Baseball seems to be much more about having a good time than actual athletic prowess. In Bobble Tiki’s case, this is definitely a good thing. They barbecue too, yo! And everyone goes camping at the end of the season. Whoever had this idea is a sharp cookie — whatever the hell that means.

Those are just a few ideas from Bobble Tiki’s summer itinerary. As you may have guessed, Bobble Tiki doesn’t give a crap what you do this week, or this summer, because Bobble Tiki doesn’t even know you. And unless you can tell Bobble Tiki who Mike Gravel thinks he is wearing khakis on a televised debate of the Democratic candidates, or even better — just who Mike Gravel thinks he is period, then Bobble Tiki’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to meet you. Besides, Mrs. Tiki wears the pants in the Tiki family, and she says it’s Hillary or the highway. Since Bobble Tiki hates sleeping on the couch, he tends to agree.

Bobble Tiki is going out of his head via e-mail at and www.myspace.com/bobbletiki