We all have phobias. Some are serious and some are not. For example, many people have an intense fear of heights or confined spaces. Some are silly, like mine. I hate spiders and sit-down dining with a large group of people. Little did I know that I would own a restaurant someday, and my fear of large dining groups would take on a whole new dimension.

I do not remember when this fear began or what triggered it. I believe it has always been with me. The most significant occasion I can recollect was about eight years ago, when my brother-in-law thought it would be fun to surprise the family with a big sit-down dinner at a restaurant for Valentine’s Day. We all met at a chain restaurant I thought I would never be caught dead in, my brother-in-law is hard of hearing so there was a lot of yelling, and there were no windows, so even the light of day could not penetrate the dark shadow cast on this lover’s holiday from hell.

When you sit-down dine with large groups, it has been my experience that you can only converse with one or two of the closest people, the service is usually horrible, and the food inconsistent at best. These things bother me, and sure enough at this special Valentine’s Day dinner, they all occurred. God bless my brother-in-law for trying, and God bless the fact I have never had to suffer through this type of dinner again because I learned how to say “no.”

When you have a restaurant with a separate dining room available and a large kitchen, a well-planned sit-down dinner is very doable. The restaurant we went to on Valentine’s Day should have been equipped to handle us, but sadly they were not. It is the spur of the moment “let’s descend on the tiny bistro down the street with 15 of our closest friends” that really stresses me out from a customer and owner perspective. While that tiny bistro welcomes the business, sometimes the situation is more than they can handle, but it is tough to turn customers away.

I have lived “the descent” many times. Customers think by bringing you lots of people they are helping you. Well, they are and they’re not. Small restaurants need fair warning. They only prepare enough food and bring on a certain number of staff to accommodate an average shift, and unlike our friend the spider, we have only two hands. For an unannounced large group, this is where the party can fall apart.

A restaurant does not want to turn business away, but most are not prepared to handle a large group without a reservation. Without giving them proper notice, you very likely will be subject to bad service (not enough waitstaff), slow service (inadequate amount of food prepped and limited kitchen staff), and waiting (the restaurant furnishings are not arranged to accommodate a large group). With that said, we restaurateurs shouldn’t be afraid to say “no” and turn away the all mighty dollar in order to preserve their sanity and reputation.

Personally, when it comes to a large gathering of friends, I would rather entertain with a cocktail party.  Whether at a restaurant or at home, it is the only way to go if you want to socialize, eat and drink low maintenance style, or if you absolutely must entertain at a restaurant, be sure to make a reservation in order to receive the best service possible.

Now I don’t mean to scare people into not supporting our small restaurants with large groups of friends or co-workers. Not unlike our eight-legged friend who sneaks around my house uninvited, be prepared to accept the consequences of the situation: Mr. Spider, you’re gonna die. People with no reservation, you’re gonna wait. And if you want separate checks, be prepared to wait even longer.

Eat out Tacoma. We need your love.



Sandee Glib has worked in the restaurant and hospitality industry for more than 12 years as a server, bartender, cook and owner. Her opinions are expressly her own and she is always right.