Jerry Falwell is dead.

Stop me if it’s too soon to joke.

Better yet, how about you stop reading this right now if you think it’s too soon to joke.

When I woke up this morning, I knew I needed to put together 750 slightly above average words on Dinosaur Jr, and its show at the Capital Theatre in Olympia Saturday, May 19.  Not because the event only deserves slightly above average, but because that’s what you’ve come to expect from me. It’s not exactly a difficult task, given the circumstances. Dinosaur Jr, who released a new record, Beyond, on May 1, will hit Olympia — and every other city on its five week tour — touting the band’s original lineup. Beyond also features the OG Dino crew. While, initially I was leery of a new Dinosaur Jr. album, fearing J and the gang would fail to live up to the name they’ve created, and tarnish all that Dinosaur Jr. stands for, Beyond is anything but a flop. There are moments when you feel a graying fringe, or an older-and-wiser aura, but for the most part Dinosaur Jr’s new release delivers what people have come to expect from the band. First off, it’s fucking loud. That’s a given with Dinosaur Jr. Second of all, the guitar skills of Mascis have not deteriorated a bit. Believe it or not, they’ve probably improved. Tracks like “Pick Me Up” and “Back to Your Heart” attest to this. Thirdly, Beyond is juiced up folk rock at its finest.

Basically, you should probably buy this record. Or at least download it.

With Beyond in stores, and with Dinosaur Jr. having reunited its original, legendary lineup that combusted in 1989, I’m not exactly searching for words on this one. This is blatantly a big deal. J Mascis. Lou Barlow. Murph. All in Olympia, and all on stage at the Capitol Theatre.

A trained monkey could pump out a story on this one.

Then Jerry Falwell had to go and die this week.

I realize Jerry Falwell’s death has no place in Rock Rhetoric. And of course I realize Dinosaur Jr. does. But when have I ever let things like that influence me? Dinosaur Jr is one of the reasons I decided to give two shits about rock music when I was teenaged and full of angst, but still Jerry Falwell’s ticker went caput today. Don’t I have a responsibility to work that in somehow, especially since, by the late Jerry Falwell’s perspective, I’ll be rotisserie roasting in hell when I die?

Especially since I won’t be alone? So will most of you.

So, in honor of Jerry’s passing, and no doubt his immediate VIP admittance into heaven, I thought we’d play a little game. Below are a few quotes. Try to guess whether an original member of Dinosaur Jr is talking to you, or if it’s Falwell.

Quote #1: “The idea that religion and politics don’t mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country.”

If you said Rev Jerry Falwell, during a sermon on the Fourth of July, 1976, you’ve been doing your Falwell homework, and you’re absolutely right!

Quote #2: “I feel really fortunate to have grown up as a hardcore kid. I have so many fucking great old seven-inches I still love them to this day. I still love pulling them out. It was a terrible time for me personally — I was just a nervous kid — but musically, it was a great influence and a great place to start.”

This is a tricky one because, as you may know, Jerry Falwell did grow up a “hardcore kid.” The correct answer, however, is Lou Barlow during an interview with Rolling Stone.

Quote #3: “Some of the worst (songs) were written this way (stream of consciousness). When I’m singing something really stupid, but I can’t think of anything else.”

Careful, this is another tricky one. Falwell did prepare many of his sermons, much of his writing, and virtually all of his television appearances the very same way, but the quote actually comes from Dinosaur Jr. frontman J Mascis.

Quote #4: “I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way — all of them who have tried to secularize America — I point the finger in their face and say, ‘You helped this happen.’“

I figured I’d finish with an easy one. Of course this is Murph, from Dino, talking about why the band broke up.

Enough with the games. Dinosaur Jr. plays the Capital Theatre on Saturday, May 19. If you’ve got any sense at all you’ll be at this show.

Remember — it’s a pretty big deal.



[Capitol Theater, with Awesome Color, solo Lou Barlow set and Nudity, Saturday, May 19, 8:30 p.m., all ages, $15-$20, 206 Fifth Ave. S.E., Olympia, www.buyolympia.com]

(hed) pe

As Brad Allen officially broke on the Weekly Volcano’s blog, cleverly called the Spew and clickable from www.weeklyvolcano.com, the 54 on South Tacoma Way is officially closed. Apparently the business marriage of the 54’s owner and many of his business partners, including the world famous Joey G and Show Media, went sour in a bad way. Believe it or not, Mr. G had something to offer about the situation on his Web site, www.theshowmedia.com.

“The Owner Robert of The 54 in Tacoma took all the money from Metal Fest and in the middle of the night snuck in with a big Uhaul and cleaned the club out!

This is insane. After 4 months of successful shows with local and national bands and a very bright future, the owner took along with him over $15,000 owed to The Show Media. This is only part of it. He also did not pay the sound company and others and to sneak out leaving his employee’s hanging as well is a rotten thing to do,” writes Joey G.

“Remember not to trust this guy if he wants to do biz with you. And he works at Sea Tac airport as a TSA agent. If you see him, flip him off for us.”

Now, Joey G is no Hemingway, but either way it’s bummer news for sure. But don’t fret, kiddies. The hed(pe) show scheduled to go down at The 54 June 2 has been moved to the South Sound Garage the same night for an 18+ show.

Suburbia breathes a collective sigh of relief.

[South Sound Garage, Scratch ‘n’ Sniff Tour with (hed) pe, Authority Zero, Mower, The Villebillies, Danny Diablo, Saturday, June 2, 7 p.m., $15-$18, 933 Market St., Tacoma, Ticketswest 800.325.SEAT]