This week my fate has officially been sealed — and it’s on wheels, four per foot.

In December I scored a spot on the Dockyard Derby Dames, Tacoma’s very own all-girl, flat track Roller Derby league. Amidst my already overbooked schedule, I’ve been training like crazy, up to three nights of practice a week, to refine my skills at the Skate N Station in Parkland to catch up with the rest of the girls.



Last Monday was the moment of truth.



Skills tests come around once a month, and believe you me, they’re not at all easy.

And for those of you who think that this league, or Roller Derby as a whole, is some sort of joke, I’d invite you to join me on the rink anytime so I can knock you flat on your ass.



The testing consists of two full hours of skating, and we’re evaluated on Women’s Flat Track Derby Association standards. We’re rated on our skating posture, strides, crossovers, speed, endurance, stops, falls, balance, skating in a pack, and what my body was made for: blocking.

Much to my delight, in between rocking baseball slides, speeding through 20 laps in well under five minutes, and hitting with force, I passed the skills test with flying colors.



That meant one, very important thing — I’d be placed on one of four teams that are in the league, and lucky for me, I’m now on the best one of them all:



THE TRAMPIRES!  That means that I’m definitely out for blood.



I’ll be skating with such incredible teammates as Cannibelle, Colombia Necktie, Judy Asa Punk, Lil Dead Red, Paula Bunion, Sassy Sully, Tokyo Rose and Vorpal Bunny.



But then I had the pressure of choosing my very own derby name. I’ve toyed with several, and the perfect one dawned on me during the drive home from practice today:



Sue Ferrigno. YES!



My father was a professional bodybuilder, and I’ve often joked that I have legs like Lou Ferrigno. I’m also going to turn into the Incredible Hulk when I’m blocking on the rink. Lastly, one of my favorite songs of all time is Johnny Cash’s “A Boy Named Sue.”



So now I’ll be focusing on some of the finest things that life has to offer:

boutin’, brawlin’, kickin’ ass and skatin’ fast!

The Friday night chill

After an overachiever week professionally and personally, I opted to ease into the weekend with some laid-back coziness. Natasha met up with me after work, and we split a perfect pepperoni pizza and sipped on scrumptious drinks at Alfred’s Café and Bubble Room. I was pretty worn out after that, so I went home, slipped into my favorite flannel PJs fresh out of the dryer and watched some of my favorite DVDs until I fell asleep.

Spankin’ New Saturday

On Saturday I caught lunch at the brand spankin’ new Taqueria El Antojo (3801 E. McKinley Ave., Tacoma), which just happens to be a stone’s throw from my house, with BFF Ashley and her beloved husband, Josh. They own and developed the building that the wonderful Taqueria is in. It’s filled with such tasty, affordable food, multicultural company, and it’s been slammed ever since it opened last week. I’m addicted to the chicken tacos. They come with an awesome sauce and something I personally love: hominy. Both Ash and Josh are so happy that this business is achieving such success. Go Taqueria, GO!



By nightfall, I met up with my friend Sydney, who for the sake of this column can be known only as Syd Vicious. Her shout out called for live music, so we started the night at the adorable Mandolin Café to catch Captain Gravel, a bluegrass band that made me feel like I had stepped into the movie “O Brother, Where Are Thou?” Following, I introduced Syd to Tempest and Monsoon Room, and we ended the night with one last nightcap amongst men who drooled over us at Doyle’s. Too bad for the boys, Syd has a boyfriend who’s one of the coolest guys I know — Jet-setting Jason.



Now I’m looking forward to yet another week filled with whimsical adventures. Stay tuned, dear readers.



I’m Carmen, your new chameleon.  Drop me your favorite parties here.